So here’s the truth…Dating is hard!
I have recently started dating again after a long break and I’ve got to say it never gets easier. You chat to a guy, you think he’s lovely, you arrange to meet for drinks and then when you meet up in person it’s just not there. What’s not there? What was wrong with him? I hear this from my best friends and my folks each time it doesn’t work with a guy.
This is where I get frustrated. I’m not one of the girls who have a check box of things a guy must be.. Tall, dark hair, make so much money a year, have his own house and an expensive car. That just isn’t me but I do want one thing – THE SPARK!
I was actually asked by my mother yesterday if I expected Angels to come dancing by when I met this elusive guy, is that how I would know he was what I wanted. No, not angels, not unicorns pooping rainbows or any other weird mythical creature analogies you can think of but I do know that I will know when I meet him.
I know this because I have had the feeling before, that butterflies in your stomach, happy girly smile when your phone buzzes with his text messages and the generally glowing feeling of knowing that the person you think is awesome thinks you’re pretty great too.
People have told me it will grow, the feeling isn’t always there but do you know what? I just don’t believe that’s the case, I don’t think you grow that spark, I truly believe it’s just something that is there from when you first meet, a kind of electricity that says there’s something in these two souls that works together. It’s an easiness when you’re together but also the slight underlying nervous sparkle, the tingle of your skin when you touch or when you kiss each other.
Does that full on feeling last? probably not over the long term no but that happiness and warmness should, the part of you that looks forward to seeing that someone who makes you feel good should stick with you, it might not be overwhelming joy every day but you should smile when you see your other half and sometimes look over at them and think yes this is where I want to be.
I know from personal experience that you cannot force the spark, it’s either there or it isn’t and for me it’s something I need. I was in a relationship a few years ago with a guy who all my friends and family kept telling me absolutely adored me, which was true. We got on really well and I liked him but I didn’t love him. I liked him but there was never that excitement and I kept hoping it would grow as we spent more time together but sadly for me it didn’t and when he told me he could see himself spending his life with me I knew I couldn’t do it anymore, what I needed to feel wasn’t there for me and I had to end it. I completely unintentionally hurt someone when I tried to let the spark I was looking for grow so I lived and learnt the hard way that I know what I want and I won’t settle for less. It hurts you and it ultimately hurts the person you care about if you’re trying to force something that isn’t really there.
I will keep searching for that spark that I know is out there, I’ve had it before and I know I will have it again. It’s elusive but not impossible 🙂
I hope at least someone out there knows what I mean and doesn’t think I’m nutty to want that feeling and not want to settle for less.
Do you have any thoughts on THE SPARK? Do you think it grows over time or is it that instant I just know feeling?